1: what is a president
2: who are the final president challengers finalists
3: what are the requirements for a visa to Canada
4: what are the requirements for a visa to Mexico
5: what are the requirements for a visa to Somalia
I don't know about you, but ever since my extensive research into the slimy, gritty, inner gears of this year's presidential election, I'll never be the same. I twitch nervously every time I delete emails at work. No matter how hard I rub oranges on my face I can't seem to get that gentle orange glow I've been craving so badly. Needless to say, many Americans are still left disillusioned and unsure about their confidence in the two primary candidates and the future of this country. Well, my friends, I'm hear to help. While naysayers might say "voting for a third party candidate is throwing away your vote" I say "Throw your vote away into the coolest trash can possible"
2016 VOTE THE BEAR PARTY
The Bear Party throws away hard to remember morals or values. Just four simple pillars hold up the majesty of Bear Party:
B: Berries
E: Eviscerate deer/fish/bunnies
A: Asleep (for months)
R: Rest or eat more or whatever.....
Taxes, interest rates, trade deals, and the headache of of those other government branches, done away with! The Bear Party understands as long as you have enough food, superfluous amount of sleep, and the opportunity to maul woodland creatures, what really are you missing? So let's meet the exciting candidates!
Bart the Bear 2
Who doesn't know Bart 2, Hollywood fame of Game of Thrones, Dr Doolittle 2, and Into the Wild?? I remember seeing the critically acclaimed Into the Grizzly Maze and having to pick my eyeballs right off the sticky theater floor out of the genius of Bart 2's performance. But enough about his way-beyond-Reagan acting ability. Let's get down to the ISSUES.
BART THE BEAR 2 STANDS FOR:
-making Dr Doolittle 4
-no work Nov-Apr
-berries
Brutus
Brutus reached fame through his BFF, Casey Anderson, and their NatGeo show Expedition Grizzly. Actually, more accurately, Casey Anderson reached fame through Brutus because who gives an f about another unshaven 'naturalist' if they're not having dinner with a huge violent grizzly. In any case, Brutus brings his obvious people skills to the table as a Presidential Candidate.
BRUTUS STANDS FOR:
-not mauling everyone in close proximity
-berries
Bear 141
Bear 141 reached fame also through knowing a naturalist, but oh my they were not bffs. Bear 141 killed and devoured filmmaker Timothy Treadwell and his girlfriend Amie Huguenard, documented in Werner Herzog's film Grizzly Man. Definitely the bellicose choice, history students everywhere can't deny history loves its brutal killers.
BEAR 141 STANDS FOR:
-likely mauling everyone in close proximity
-berries
Old Ephraim
Experience talks, and no bear has more experience in Bear/People relations than "Old Three Toes" Ephraim. Being a California resident during the early 1900s, a time of great population influx into the state, Ephraim was a lead proponent of the widely unpopular CA State Bill 56, dubbed "Berries only for Ephraim." Since then, and despite being dead for 93 years, Ephraim could still be the the right Bearisdent for the job. Trump supporters in particular may find a common voice with Ephraim, with his "Maul Immigrants" platform (not to be confused with his equally vehemently promoted "Maul Locals" platform)
OLD EPHRAIM SUPPORTS:
-widespread mauling
-berries (but only for Ephraim)
So you all remember, when you're pulling that lever, striking that box, throwing that stone, that a vote for BEAR is a vote for Bearmerica!!!!!!!!!!!!
