Thursday, December 2, 2010
Day 3: Siberian Corpse Eaters
Today is a continuation of yesterday's Siberian Yeti Fighting Bears. The amazing adaptive powers of these Siberian bears have caused them them to turn lemons into lemonade, or an exodus to human lands from yeti defeat into exploiting an excellent human related food source, cemeteries! All you can buffet!!! Thanks to Rebecca Kelly and Laney DiGiovanni for the links!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Day 2: The Siberian Yeti Fighters
Sadly, while bears are impressive creatures, they are still human. Er, mortal. Or whatever. What I'm trying to say is that bears can lose too. While they fight valiantly, not even bears are a match for Siberian yetis. According to Russian authorities that is. So this small guerrilla band of bears, trying to find a place between fighting yetis and eating villagers, have earned their place on the Bear Days of Christmas so that we may all hope for their future happiness:
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The 23 Days of Bear Christmas! Day 1: The Bear Baron of Rhode Island
Welcome to the Bear Days of Christmas! This holiday season we are celebrating not just types of bears, but actual particular bears that have proven themselves to be bearelebrities in the bear world, bears whose bearness shines brighter than the Star of Bethlehem and leads us through the desert of boring mediocre animals (such as earthworms and possums) lacking majestic powerful animal qualities (also known as 'Bearalities') to the manger overflowing with a cornucopia of bear.
To start off, what better than a bear's story from the state tattooed to my back, Rhode Island. This bear has no name, so I've given him one: Roger. The talented journalists at the Providence Journal have written up his account better than I ever could so I shall just link it, but let me summarize just by saying that Roger defeated and entire state agency in his mission to eat sheep. I salute you, Roger!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Bear Comics!!!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Historical Bear Injustice in the Midlands
Been a while, difficult to do a dissertation and keep up with bear news at the same time. But in my wanderings I came across some bear related history that you all may find SHOCKING. Hence I must report on....
BEAR ENSLAVEMENT OF WARWICK CASTLE
Warwick Castle, located in the Midlands of England was a fortress originally built by William the Conquerer, then expanded on in blah, blah, blah....
Look, none of that matters. What matters is THIS:
The coat of arms of Warwick Castle is a, enslaved bear, in chains, tied to a tree. Ridiculous but true. You see it all over the castle.
Furniture:
Plaques:
There is even a tower there named Bear Tower, no doubt where bears were flogged just for wanting those bear necessities they keep singing about. So why? Why does Warwick Castle promote this image of foolhardiness? Well, it is difficult to say due to the long history we are dealing with. The most famous ruler of the castle was Richard Neville, 16th Earl of Warwick (nicknamed the 'Kingmaker") who fought for the House of Lancaster during the War of the Roses. I suspect, and as a student of history I'm never wrong on these things, that ol' Dick Neville wanted to advertise his power and battle prowess as greater than it actually was, and spread the image of a bear in chains as proof that he was mightier than a bear. I know, it's stupid and ridiculous, but you have to understand this was the 15th century, and people during those times were very stupid. No one even knew how to drive a car, an activity that can be performed by Nicholas Cage (presumably). So Neville spread this image everywhere:
Bears as servants:
Bears even being shown as weak enough to be controlled by babies of Neville:
Yes, I know what you are thinking. How could bears stand for this? Well, they didn't. As I was leaving the castle in disgust, I heard screams, looked back for one glorious photos and ran myself, knowing that bears never forget, never forgive, and justice had been served:
BEAR ENSLAVEMENT OF WARWICK CASTLE
Warwick Castle, located in the Midlands of England was a fortress originally built by William the Conquerer, then expanded on in blah, blah, blah....
Look, none of that matters. What matters is THIS:
The coat of arms of Warwick Castle is a, enslaved bear, in chains, tied to a tree. Ridiculous but true. You see it all over the castle.
Furniture:
Plaques:
There is even a tower there named Bear Tower, no doubt where bears were flogged just for wanting those bear necessities they keep singing about. So why? Why does Warwick Castle promote this image of foolhardiness? Well, it is difficult to say due to the long history we are dealing with. The most famous ruler of the castle was Richard Neville, 16th Earl of Warwick (nicknamed the 'Kingmaker") who fought for the House of Lancaster during the War of the Roses. I suspect, and as a student of history I'm never wrong on these things, that ol' Dick Neville wanted to advertise his power and battle prowess as greater than it actually was, and spread the image of a bear in chains as proof that he was mightier than a bear. I know, it's stupid and ridiculous, but you have to understand this was the 15th century, and people during those times were very stupid. No one even knew how to drive a car, an activity that can be performed by Nicholas Cage (presumably). So Neville spread this image everywhere:
Bears as servants:
Bears even being shown as weak enough to be controlled by babies of Neville:
Yes, I know what you are thinking. How could bears stand for this? Well, they didn't. As I was leaving the castle in disgust, I heard screams, looked back for one glorious photos and ran myself, knowing that bears never forget, never forgive, and justice had been served:
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